i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
