You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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