wake up i wanna do it froggy style
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
