HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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