I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
