Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Randomize
