if i can run in heels then i can drive
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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