hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
