nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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