1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
