I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
