69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
