if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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