Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
