Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
Randomize
