Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
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