Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Randomize
