I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
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