The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
