pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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