Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize