Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
