I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize