He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
