Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
