Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Damn victory sex feels great
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
