I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
