her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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