I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
