Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
