I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
