I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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