You're my little dorito
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
