This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
