Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
