it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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