So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
