nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize