Your face is a jimmy john
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
