im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
