The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
