before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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