Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
It was a blind-side dick pic.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
