Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
