Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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