Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
