Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
