I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
