was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
