I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
