I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
