The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
