Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Randomize
