Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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