Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
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