Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Randomize
