The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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