whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
