Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
