You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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