I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
