I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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