She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize