every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
