who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
