yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
