Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
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