we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
