ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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