happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
