Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
